what's there?

2007-10-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

刚用了两天的时间看完了一公升眼泪。所以想在感触最深之时把感觉写下。
虽然现在未能完全了解活着的意义，但是在眼前的还是一条我能走的路。
在剧中，亚也的妹妹问了为何生病的会是善良的亚也？这问题让我想起了之前一位朋友离开我们时所想过的问题。而当时，我希望能相信，他们其实都是上帝派下来，要把希望带给人们的天使。但是，上帝把他们派下来后，却因为舍不得他们而想早点要他们回到上帝的身边。而在那之前他们得要完成的使命则是给身边的人带来生命的希望和温暖。所以，不管是亚也，或是其他离开我们的家人，朋友，现在都是站在上帝身边，开心地笑着的天使。因为，他们在人间的路途中，已把满满的爱灌入冰冷的世界里，让这世界更温暖。

路，走到这里。虽然有些灰心。有些懊恼，为何总被落在后头。但是，希望能借着这部剧的力量让我继续活得更充实，让我不会再让身边的人生期或伤心了。对不起，谢谢。加油~

2007-07-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

Been feeling a little frustrated lately. Frustrated with myself. And of course, some 'spillover' effect from this frustration might have affected others, causing negative externalities. Pardon me. I know its rubbish, but im trying to come to terms with these terms again. Hahah.

With the end of the internship, i have loads of time to myself and of course, i have loads of time to do constructive things. However, that did not happen. Been slacking for the past week. Just cant get enough energy to do anything.

Talking to my friend now and she will be going to NIE next year after completing her studies. Her dream is to be a teacher. Im jealous. Her goal, so clear to her since 16 and not once did she change her mind. If only i can be as clear as her. I really do not know what i want to do. Used to. But no longer. I do have some idea of what i want to have, but it is definitely not spurring me on to do it and this leads me to ask the question of whether that is what i want to have, since i am still not motivated enough to take action. So when asked what i want to do now, i can only shrug.

Really feel like slapping myself for being so aimless in life. Always knew that one needs to have a goal to work towards. I must also slap myself for not taking any action. Funny how i told my brother that i want to be really rich someday and have a house like the ones on TV. My brother, being the 'reality check' would ask how much can we make? And something MUST be done, rather than talking about it. I totally agree. I just keep dreaming. *wake up, dreamer!* *smack* .

Probably it is due to this uncertainty that many people in MLM have tried to get me in their network. And of course, i am tempted. Tempted of the prospects of FUTURE passive income. But the prospects of meeting friends, asking people out with a hidden agenda is just too scary for me. I hate meetings with hidden agenda. On top of that, i keep thinking that MLM is just a tactic that companies use to fool their employees that they are the boss. I think they CAN think of themselves as bosses to a certain extent i guess... but the people who gain most will be the company itself, no? And this market structure simply makes people work, slightly blindly. Before i get flamed by anybody, i must say that this is purely personal opinion. Perhaps i am too dense to understand the benefits of this marketing tactic and overlooked its benefits. But i really prefer things that i can understand.

Kind of sick and tired of having this problem coming up now and then. When can i ever be clear?! Hmm... i do know i love $$ though. The only job that i have taken and really enjoyed is the time when i was selling flowers for valentine's day for ourselves... Love making money that way..... Haha. Should get something to occupy myself, too much time to oneself is not exactly healthy.

If only my outings dont clash......... Now i have nothing to do on some days and too many meetings on others... But still.... im looking forward to the weekends! Wheet. Enough rambling.... signing off....

2007-07-15T01:31:00.000+08:00

Enjoyable outing today. Not that previous outings are not enjoyable or not significant. Just that i was too lazy to blog about them. Havent seen all of them together for a long time. Had fun playing dai di... Finally i know what exactly that's about, and i know im slow. Whatever. Nice. Should meet again, sometime, in the future. haha.

Oh Oh... I ended my internship!!! Clap Clap. Of course it wasnt supposed to end so soon. I just cant wait to leave. My brains are mouldy enough and i can slack at home, not at a low paying work place. HAHa.

Late Late Late. But...... Congrats to all graduates! Woohoo!!!

And And... Outings Outings Outings... Please ask me for outings... Im rotting.... Ok, not exactly, but almost.

Pointless post. Just wanted to write something.

2007-06-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Seeing that i blog so often only shows that i am bored. Really bored.

Mundane stuff. My life aint too exciting to start with anyway. Went for this SmartMoney Board game on Sunday. Interesting stuff that i learnt. Probably i can put it to use. But it also means one thing. I need money. haha.

Its really great to know that your friends love you. hahaha. Opps. Thick Skinned. Met up with the girls again on thurs. Had so much fun at KTV. If i ever will be an OL in the near future, my only hope would be that all these gatherings never stop. I Love My Friends. Without them, i would probably die as a boring OL. Haha.

Internship still kinda stinks. Realised that the corporate world is really treacherous. People would do anything to save themselves. ANYTHING. AND WHATEVER. A really successful advertising campaign. Hahha. The only good thing is that i am still an intern. Managed to get to know some colleagues better thou.... If only they would give me more work. More meaningful work. Yawn.

Realised that the new NDP song by Kit Chan is really quite good. Hmm... Standard NDP songs. But i like them. Indoor on saturday and sunday!!!! Woohoo!!!! Time to feel the adranaline rush, behind the lines. haha.

2007-06-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

This is my 2nd post in one day. I am supposed to be ill! Alright. I AM ill. Virus attack again i guess, immune system is at an all time low. Have to build it up really soon. So, what am i doing back here again? Oh! To return a favour! haha, well, my fellow intern friend, my dear Pisces gal(haha), wrote about me in her blog, so i guess i would have to return the favour to be fair.

First up, i will have to apologise to this girl for losing my temper at her almost EVERYTIME. I know people like huiting will jump out at this point and say that i am ALWAYS RUDE, but i shall ignore that since this is MY blog and i shall portray myself as nice and SWEET.(Did i just blow my cover?) haha. Ok, lets not lose the focus ya? This paragraph is for APOLOGY. haha.

Next, i have to thank this girl for letting me vent my anger almost every single day (notice how this links to the 1st paragraph? I'm a genius! *beams*). Yep, like when im unhappy, i will ignore, ignore. But of course, this Pisces gal aka meihui, do have her plus point other than being my *punching bag* which i will dedicate an ENTIRE sentence to describing it.(opps!).

Alright, here goes, she is funny with her dance moves, funny pronunciations, funny nicknames and funny habits. So all in all, she is funny! See, i have gone past one sentence! haha.

Better be serious now. I sincerely thank miss chen meihui for being there during this internship. If not for her, shiling toh will shrivel up and die (which i think hua-er seriously believes *blink to meihui* ahahaha)

Alright. End of dedication. FEBS tablets anyone?

*AH-CHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!* sniffles.

2007-06-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

最近开始又觉得很疲惫了。每天都拖着疲惫的身躯上班，下班。可是不要误解，我对一年后，踏入社会后的生活其实还是充满着期待的。只是现在，我感觉自己像是被‘冷藏’了。说被‘冷藏感觉上有一些奇怪，哈哈，自己又不是艺人（让我想起薏仁，不好笑!). 可是最近真的有这样的感觉. 在我实习的地方,大家都很忙,都找不到工作让我'大展拳脚', 可是,却不能像是无所事事.所以呢,只能每天对着电脑发呆,做白日梦.有时这样其实也蛮不错,能让自己有时间上网充实自己.但或许我是一个想太多的人吧. 总认为他们没工作让我做,只因为他们认为我不够能干.和我一起实习的朋友劝我别那么想,但时间那么多,当然能想的空间也跟着多了.哈哈.借口.

我想,很多时候,很多事情都没办法尽如人意.人生的起起伏伏或许就是人生精彩的地方.记得曾经在一部连续剧里听过,人生的高低起伏都是有一定的数量的,所以,熬过了这一段,或许,等着我的,又是一次人生的高潮.说得容易,要坦然地去面对每一次的不如意却有需莫大的勇气.加油吧... 不开心的事,总有一天会过去.

不管怎么样,这一段插曲,让我学会了要对自己的将来做更仔细的规划已选择一条适合自己走下去的路.好像又是以自我为中心的文章,我真是的....超自恋.哈哈.不管,还是要用我最喜欢的一句歌词作为结尾,借机勉励自己吧.

人生偶尔会走上一条陌路
像是没有指标的地图
别让他们说你该知足
只有你知道什么是你的幸福

2007-05-20T21:38:00.000+08:00

I think my life just took a downward spiral. Ok, make that a plunge. Ok, it took a plunge perhaps a few months ago. Ok, i made that plunge myself. Darn, whatever that means. Now, where is the wise man/woman who is supposed to guide me. I feel trapped. Nothing more to say.

2007-05-14T22:26:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i really do feel that i am kind of dumb.... oh well.... things are beginning to push me to a path that i thought i will hate. But hey.... what i thought that i may like may not really be so. Frustration is bad for health. Really. MC-ed today. hahaha... Ok, MC is not a verb. I know. Whatever on 18th May. Hahah...Cute advert. Darn, i am really good at changing topics. Ok, so back to what i was saying.... maybe i should not expect too much. But will be looking out for other ways out. I cant sit around doing nothing all day for i would rather do that at home. Argh.... but i really complain too much... lamdida... oh well.... back to watching corner with love. The purpose of this post is really unknown. I wanna a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahah... woohoo!

2007-04-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

WARNING! A POST TO COMPLAIN.

Just received an internship acceptance today. Initially i was really happy, seriously, after so many applications, resume writing, interviews and things like that, i finally managed to secure an internship position. The job scope seems fun, from the description of the interviewer. Seems like i do not have to be at the office every single day. BUT, the thing is, I am just being paid $20 a day for eight hours of work everyday. So, i told my mum about it. And what she said really made me upset + angry + discouraged. Like really.... She said it is because the pay is so low that i am selected. ARGH... I know its low, even for an internship. But i really do not need discouraging words from a mother. I know she wants me to work in a bank, and she really thinks that her friend can get me in. But am i going to wait till i finish my exams before i start looking for an internship? And if i do not do what i like now, when? After i graduate? Of course i do know that after i graduate, i have a greater responsibility for my family and all, therefore, i might not be able to choose what i would like to do, and i have to look beyond the job scope and consider the pay too. The realities of life. What am i supposed to do?

2007-02-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

这几天突然有一股冲动，想把自己的想法化为长长的文字。
当然，懒惰成性的我要开始让手指在键盘上飞舞可是需要一点心理准备的！
已经好久没有尝试把心情化为完整的文章了。以往的习以为常现在似乎是得来不易... 这就是所谓的改变吗?要是如此的话,我一点也不喜欢这样的改变.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"他今年农历三月六号刚满二十二刚甩掉课本要离开家看看这世界却发现许多烦恼要面对.

他常会想望能回到那年他一十二只需要好好上学生活单纯没忧愁他就像一朵蓓蕾满怀希望

九月天气还是有点热他想公车再不来就走一走路他开始明白等待未必有结果一个人也能走上梦的旅途

人生偶尔会走上一条陌路像是没有指标的地图人生偶尔会走上一条陌路像是没有指标的地图别让他们说你该知足只有你知道什么是你的幸福

以上便是我很喜欢的一首歌，陶吉吉《二十二》中的一些字句。

喜欢上面的文字，因为我相信，很多人对以上的文字都会产生共鸣。长大了，才发现这世界和自己之前想象得不太一样。很多人会随波逐流，然后说，或许，这样就够了吧. 很多人都是因为在人生中遇见了种种需要跨越的障碍而放弃了往前奔跑.中途停下,把自己握在手中的号码牌烧毁. 之后,便从一个努力奔跑的长跑选手转为在看台上看着别人奔跑的观众.
我想，就是因为有一些人会紧握梦想努力的奔跑，而有一些人会放弃梦想，所以这世界才会如此多彩吧。一直到现在为止，我很遗憾的说，自己是属于随波逐流的那一派。虽然知道自己要的是什么，但正因没对自己诚实，而让自己与梦想越来越遥。别让他们说你该知足只有你知道什么是你的幸福 . 希望在自己还不需要抛开课本之前,把自己的世界地图画好昂首阔步地走下去. 也就是说,我想在领一个号码牌,做好热身运动,和其他还在奔跑的选手一样一起努力.

其实最近,或许是因为跑到对我来说还是有点吃力 .所以越来越喜欢看别人的故事. 虽然动画和剧集里头的故事常常都是异想世界里头才会发生的,但是,正因如此,这些故事才显得最美.能在几个小时内让自己逃离这世界又何尝不是一件好事呢?=)

说好了,要把这些文字,串成一篇完整的文章,但是,有变成是七零八落的句子了.所以希望在读的人不要用世俗的眼光看待这些文字.就把它当成一个能整理思绪的告白吧.=)

在这里,希望大家能过一个愉快又充实的新年吧!

2007-01-30T00:13:00.000+08:00

到现在，我最自豪的到底可以是什么？
我能骄傲地说我的生命没有遗憾吗？
还是。。。。

2007-01-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

Was at the national stadium yesterday to experience the battle between theSingapore and Malaysia live. I was practically at the edge of my seat from the 1st goal that malaysia scored till the end of the penalty shootout. Luckily the lions did not dissappoint. If not i wonder what would be the reaction of the many thousands of lions fans in the stadium and what would become of the small patch of yellow in the stadium. Wheet. Some photos (not of high quality since its taken by my phone. =( too bad)

The Lions

The match in progress

My brother wanted his face against the field.

The final scoreboard after the penalty shootout. Hurrah. Notice the number of people in the stadium. Almost like NDP.

Anyway, its the fourth week of the semester. When is this semester going to end? Still sending applications for internships, jobs and whatever i need to do for now. Yikes. No reply. Maybe i need to try other methods already. Or maybe i should teach. In any case, i still need to thank sm. Thanks girl, for trying to help me. Yupz, really thankful. =D

Getting tired of trying to grab every percentage i can for each module. I feel like a nerd. I am acting like one. WAhh!!!! hahaha. Oh welll...... as least i can look forward to CNY. Hahah... This should be the end of my mindless ramble. I should find something else to do to make my life more interesting, other than studies................ Hmm...........

2007-01-09T01:17:00.001+08:00

Back for a new post finally.

This semester is kind of special. To graduate or not to graduate? I need to find a job first. Hah. Pathetic. Took 4101 as a 'tester' for honours track but in the end, got a lecturer who tries to make a simple concept complicated. Brilliant. So that's how the honours class works huh? There is this bugging feeling about school lately. There's nothing interesting, nothing to look forward to. All i want is to end each semester as soon as possible. With this feeling around for the entire semester1, i wonder how i can hold out for one more year.

On top of that, there is something else on my mind. That is, for all the work that i put in, will i be able to do what i want? For all the effort going into studies, will it help me get the job i want? *repetitive statement, typical of my gek1519 lecturer*

These are questions that i have to seek the answers for before i advance in life. Making one decision involves many factors, considerations. Never easy.

Abrupt end. But who cares?

2006-08-27T01:41:00.000+08:00

开始走向看不见前路的长廊。
长廊的另一端，
是一片世外桃源？
还是等待猎物的黑暗漩涡？
拼了命的奔跑，
就像一场赌注.
一不留神,
就会连生命都赔上.
拿在手上的气球,
是放走或是紧握,
都是一个抉择.
站在长廊的中间点,
轻轻地握着气球,
我已经迷失了方向.....

This post is not meant to be understood... i guess. But at least..... its not a post in 4 months.

2006-08-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

Blog revival! After being bugged by our 'very-bored-with-nothing-to-do-so-read-blogs' huiting to start blogging again........

Lets see... 4 months away from blogging. I shall.... update..... right......

May
Nothing Much

June
Nothing Much

July
Nothing Much

August
Nothing Much

I think with this post........ i will get boycotted.... So lets try again

May
I think really nothing much except that exams are over, so its training, preparing for competition and what not. Cant remember much... I have bad memory.

June
Hmm... i guess the only major event that happened in this month was NUS indoor. But it was great. Other than the successful event, i got my very first medal! =D What's more important is that its a team medal. Hmm... can still remember the exhilaration before, during and after the event. Nothing can be more satisfying than that. I really have to thank huiting and janice for being great team mates and imy, lixiang and sylvia for their shouts. Damn... these memories made it harder to put down the bow. Hahah.... Other than this event, something tragic happened. But erm... i'll rather not mention it in the blog. The rest of the month was spent working in IRAS since no one wanted me as an intern. But at least there's income. hahaha.

July
Hmm... Handover. Finally our 'regime' is over. New blood injected. Finally alumni. Oh.. and that reminded me... i have yet to save the video i made. Hahahah... The entire month was spent rushing for work and tuition. Still.... it was worth it. I felt that im alive.

August
1st 2 weeks were slow. I stopped my work in IRAS so as to enjoy the rest of my holidays and i ended up plunging into my part time research assistant job. Hmm.. but they pay well. SO no complaints. I guess the highlight for this month was my 21st. EEks. Im old. But my friends made it good to be 21st. First was my darling girls; imy, yiqin, sze wei and peiying, who put together a box of surprises for me. What touched me the most was the video made for me. Made me cry.... damn. But thanks alot for the effort put in for me.
Just when i thought that that was it, never did i expect another surprise in store for me... The archers and the babes actually came together at fish and co. to celebrate the event for me. *though the staff in fish and co. made it a lil too memorable* I was really kept in the dark due to dione's excellent acting. But i was really happy, for it provided a chance for all to gather and well.... catch up with each other. It was a great gathering. Even writing about it made me feel warm all over. Bah. Special thanks to huiting and cheow hui.... thanks babes..... Jx, cc and shu mei also took time off to celebrate for me on saturday. Thanks again.

In general, i guess the past few months had been great.. *other than CORS*. I had wanted to update this space. But i always stopped at a sentence or so. I have no idea when i'll be back to blog again... So in the meantime, i wish all well.... shit... think i am crazy and incoherent. Forgive me for this is an unearthly hour and i have an 8 am lecture hours later.... tata...

回忆如同秋天的枫叶，
枯黄的叶面写下一章诗篇。
覆盖着大地,
形成令人陶醉的画.
最终与土地的结合，
只为了下季更美的枫叶。

I love all my friends and all that they left for me.

2006-04-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

Havent tried walking home ever since i moved. I used to love walking around Toa Payoh when i was staying there. I loved looking at those kids with cute blue pinafore and blue shorts in school. Reminds me of the times when i was there. The wisp of freshly baked bread from the bakery opposite the school used to make me drool. The uncles and aunties going about their daily routine makes me wonder how i would be when im their age. The thoughts that run through my mind while walking home, the songs that rang in my ears, the light feeling in my heart. All not revisited.

And so, i decided to walk home from sembawang shopping centre today. Although the motive is ultimately the same. To walk home. But everything else is different. The things along the way, the thoughts that run through my mind, the songs that rang in my ears. Are all not the same anymore. Nonetheless, i enjoyed the walk home. Even with my notes in hand, my legs felt light. Almost weightless. But i guess i will take another route home next time for i do not want to be squashed by those fast moving cars along my house.

I have no idea what this post is for. But i now know, my legs can bring me anywhere i want, if i want.

你知道家与房子的分别吗？

2006-04-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

The feeling of insecurity.
The feeling of vacuum.
Where's the adrenaline rush?

I dont deserve a break.
I cant have it now.
I have yet to do my best.
But i still want to go away.

The unfamiliarity.
The strange feeling.
The strange faces.
We have yet to bond.
But i still want to leave.

I dont want to stay angry.
But i am still angry.
I am not a kid.
But i am still not independent.

I hate the rush of emotions.
I hate the times when my heart ruled over my head.
Do people always feel more vulnerable during exams?
Then i wish for exams to be over soon.

Time, i need you to go faster. Will you?

2006-03-31T22:49:00.000+08:00

不是为了什么，只想知道断了线的风筝的感受。
不是为了什么,只想知道断了线的珍珠的疗效.
没有海港,船只如何靠岸?
没有翅膀,鸟儿如何飞翔?
没有温暖,种子如何发芽?

Kept deleting the posts that i intended to put up. Self censorship is driving me crazy. I should not mind what others think! Ok, not possible. Back to my notes...... -have to keep to my study plans!-

Maybe i should pick up my pen again, after the exams... It has been too long.

2006-03-26T21:15:00.000+08:00

人，真得不能犯错吗？
人，若不完美，若不是最好，便得失去想要的东西吗？

爱，真难说出口。。。

2006-03-05T01:13:00.000+08:00

I have a habit of keeping photos and messages in my camera and handphone. As i was deleting the old photos to make space for the new ones, i realised that there are some things that are just so pure and beautiful. Memories are beautiful. Captured on film makes it seems more real. But memories are still memories. There's no turning back. New memories need to come in, but the old will always be engraved. There wouldnt be a need for prove. A memory card full of old memories did not allow new ones and probably wonderful ones to come in.

These few days have been good ones, 2 of my really old friends, whom i've not contacted for some time messaged me out of the blue. I was pleasantly surprised. I was actually smiling while looking at their messages. I must look goofy then. =) That gave me the sudden urge to look through my handphone and i found messages dated all the way back, 2 years ago. I havent been contacting some of those names in my inbox. But with those messages, they reminded me that these people cared for me enough to press that 'send' button then. But while i was busy buzzing around in my life, i left some of them behind and took a separate path. That made me sad. Therefore, i decided to take the initiative and messaged some of the names, hoping that it would have the same impact as those 2 friends have on me.

Somewhere in life, i forgot what meant to me most. Somewhere in life, i lost my footing and floated away, away from these people who really have me in their hearts. I am lucky i am still reminded of them and the warmth they left in my heart. And i hope i left something in theirs too.

So many people to thank, so many friendships to pick up and so many others to maintain. But it will be worth it.

2006-02-25T11:04:00.000+08:00

Ok, this is bad. This is the 4th time that i have overslept in this semester. I think i need a bigger alarm clock. Maybe one that is shaped like my mom, and is like a mom. Will nag and nag and nag and it will only stop when you shout at it. Any takers for this? I can sell the idea. =)

I should be at a geography fieldtrip now instead of blogging. Sorry ht! Darn sleep -_-

2006-02-22T01:02:00.000+08:00

Forgot to do this. Watched Final destination 3 today. Basically, it is a standard final destination story plot. Nothing really cheem about the show. If you've watched the previous 2, the story's about it. Just be prepared to go into the cinema to watch people die in the most disgusting fashion.

If you fancy some gory scenes+ some fear factor+ some try to guess how the next person will die, this show does it just fine. The scenes just make you hungry since you would have thrown up the last meal. Pretty fast deaths this time round, except for the first 2 who escaped. Not very clean though. Definitely bloody. =) Just go and watch how bloody.

2006-02-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

There is so much to think, so much to feel and so much to say. But i have no idea where to start. So allow my random sentences.

Silence is also an expression.

There is such a stark difference in life in just a small area.

The fear.

The strength.

The effort.

Darn. I think this is really random.

I am glad i had the conversation at the end of the day. It served to strengthen our friendship once again.

2006-02-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

NUS institutional is finally over. Well, of course marketing still have their sponsors to answer for, but that's just a small thing. In any case, the shoot went well. No complains (ok, there may be something, but we all know its not our fault) and everybody's happy after that. MANY went home with a smile. Wonderful. Things will only get better next year. =)

The greatest part is that NUS bagged many medals, from all three batches of archers. Even those who didnt win did well. That's important for it means more medals to come. The satisfaction comes from within. Great job!

The event was fun too. Where in the world can i experience talking to grass cutters who dont understand what i was saying, laughing through the whole shoot with crazy angel, understand how my printer can cock up at the last min and knowing how ridiculous some people can be? haha.

But i must apologise for snapping at people during the event. I have a mighty bad temper and stress doesnt help. But the help rendered, especially by those who volunteered meant alot. Thanks. You guys contributed to the success too.

Like huiting said, 1 down half to go.

-----------------------------------------------

If there is a lesson i learnt from my driving lesson today, it would be to not drive when one is REALLY TIRED. Well, luckily today's not my test, if not i would have failed miserably. Hah. If one have a limit to blunders that they can make while driving, i would have used up my limit. Bah. I shall pray whenever i drive now. hahaha.

-----------------------------------------------

Im half blonde now! Meaning im half dumb now. =)

2006-02-13T20:51:00.000+08:00

I am feeling rather disturbed.

Ups and downs.

This feeling is so familiar.

But yes, it will be over soon.

I have to hang in there.

Conviction is required.

2006-02-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

I think i must be crazy. Went home early, skipping one lecture with resting in mind. In the end, i wandered to J8 to watch 'I Not Stupid too'. I like watching movies alone for i am a boring movie companion. In any case, i grabbed this chance and slipped into the theatre for some teary moments. opps, shhh.

The young actors did a great job at portraying youths of their age. It reflected alot of social issues. But the parts that touched me most were those that showed the interaction between the kids and their family members, and also how these kids were misunderstood by the society.

不止是最后一次称赞别人是几时，
你最后一次好好听别人说话是几时？

I felt happy last saturday cos not only my friends were at my house to stayover, my favourite uncle came over our house too. We had a talk. Maybe its his age, or maybe its the way he speaks. But it is really, for as long as i can remember, the best talk i had. I never had the feeling that someone really truly cares about how i feel within. Someone i can talk freely about how i feel without having the guilt of being too self-centred. In any case, i can see why his kids grew up to have such good nature and temper. It is the love my uncle showers them and the inspiration he provided. I am so thankful that i had the talk with him. He made me see things, see inside myself. I finally know what im doing now. Thank you.

-Made some changes to my life recently. I am a happier person now. But i know that some i will be letting some people down with my decision. For that, i apologise. But i am happy. I have to remain true to myself.-

2006-02-06T01:44:00.000+08:00

幸福就是。。。

能与家人和睦共处.

能与你尊敬的长辈谈心事.

能与你最喜欢的朋友走过人生。

能和你喜欢的人在一起。

能把自己分内的工作做得最好。

能用一整天整理自己的心情。

能心静地望出窗外。

幸福是简单的，不是吗？

幸福，是我要的，不是吗？

终。。。

我不想背着我的 ‘历史包袱’。。。

2006-02-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

忘了从前的快乐，忽略了眼前的幸福。
感觉到痛的心，看不见街上的美。

Some rubbish. Anyway, would like to write more things in chinese, to seek the love that i used to have. To get the passion burning again.

Some Chinese New Year photos. I am bored now.

The year of the chicken is finally over! So we decided to eat it up.

This is my family's idea of posing for photos. -_-

I am sorry, but this new year decoration looks like a 春院。 =P

An ad of the 80's selling the fantastic chicken fertilisers. Opps! sorry, cock eyed, its my mum aka ah pui and yes, she loves the flower.

How i love photos.

2006-01-26T00:47:00.000+08:00

Looking at the last few posts and i was like........ wow~ what was i thinking? Too pessimistic. At least that was what i thought after reading kenneth's and charissa's blog. Its time to finish that chapter, close it and move on. If not, i will either not be able to enjoy the book, or i will never finish it. I want to finish my book. I still need to get away. Let's see what i can do. =)

Had a nice talk today with char and ht. Realised that in life, there are alot of decisions to be made and little decisions can indeed change your life. One thing for sure, that is, i wont be able to know what other decisions will lead me to. Interesting.

There are also little things in life that's worth enjoying. I enjoy bus rides. Looking out of the windows. Therefore, i decided to bring along my camera when i started my long bus rides to the driving centre.

This is somewhere near auckland road. They have beautiful houses there. Wonder who lives there.

Sembawang Prison(DRC). Looks rather cold, doesnt it?

A very pretty flower bloomed at my garden. A beautiful life.

I would like to get down the bus and walk along the rather deserted sembawang road one of these days. Afterall, its near my house. Maybe i should bring my camera out more often to take more photos. My next stop will have to be sembawang park. =) With my mp3.

Feeling a little stressed out now. Have to settle things one by one. Slowly does it. I think that's enough for today. Cant write anything more. I need sleep! Zzzzz.... =0

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

2006-01-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

Can you be proud of me for who i am, not what i do?

只有努力往上看得人才看得见雨后的彩虹。。。

2006-01-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

望着人来人往的街道，手中的latte似乎变得很冷。

手机里的号码无数，能交心的又有几个？

想要找个人陪，手机里的号码却显得陌生。

把手机关掉，享受一个人的寂寞。。。

2006-01-14T23:43:00.000+08:00

Why do some people like to make the lives of others miserable?

Why should people be allowed to have it their way and influence others?

I dont want to be diplomatic. I want to protect my own feelings and the feelings of those i truly care for.

If things continue, it would call for drastic actions.

For now, i shall do things my way. Do not waste my time.

2006-01-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

This could be a long post. Remembered alot of things today that i probably would want to write down. Probably could be the events for the past 20 years. Nah. I do not have superhuman memory. Just fragments of them that i think might be abit interesting. Random. Messy. Like the pensieve.

Sometimes i wonder, do i not know myself well enough, or could it be that others do not know me well enough? Or am i so good at hiding that i fooled everyone including myself? I have no idea.

I remember that i used to love wearing pants and track shoes. Reason behind that? Silly. I always prepare myself for the worst scenario. What if i need to run, as fast as i can for something, for my life? I wont want skirts or heels to hinder my movement. I love running too. Freedom. But as i grew older, i realised that 90% of the time, i do not need to run. So, i decided to change. But not all. I am still prepared. The adrenaline is still there....

A.A. Not attract attention, but always average. I have always been average. Since young, i pale in comparison to my brother. During CNY, when relatives meet, they were always talking about my brother. Im always forgotten. Friends of my parents always remember my brother, THE scholar. Me? Always forgotten. Not a single child, always lived like one.

I remember having a grandaunt looking after me and my brother when we were young. My parents will be out the moment i open my eyes and will only be back when we are watching the 10 pm news. My grandaunt never really treated me nicely. Only remember marks of broomsticks and the cane on my legs. Not often, but not rarely too. She does hit my brother too, but not often. Rarely even. I was glad when she left us, to live with my grandma. Although she lived with us for 10 years, i never missed her. I am never a nice person.

Talking about my parents. I can get angry with them, but at the same time, the logical me tells me that they are doing that all for us. As a child, i remember that if i ever woke up at 3.30am, i can hear my parents preparing for work. I would stay awake for that half an hour, just lying there, listening. When they open the gates at 4am, i would shout my goodbye to them, for i know that the next time i see them would be the time for bed. I would then continue to stay awake, till i can hear their car move off from the carpark. I know its their car. Because it would probably be the only one that would move off at 4am in the morning. There was a period of time that i felt scared, left alone in the room. I would will myself to fall asleep again. Asleep. I am never nice. Sometimes, i would be angry at my parents. Why must they leave my brother and i alone? Alone with a grandaunt who would hit us hard when she gets angry? Why cant i have lovely homecooked lunch when i get back home from school and a smiling mum inviting us with open arms? But always, at this point of time, the logical me would speak again. Telling me that it is so that i can type on my laptop now, so that i wont have to worry about my school fees and pocket money. This is an exchange. I do not have a choice of not taking part in it. Its a fair exchange. And my parents have to suffer for it. At the hot like furnace coffee stall that they have. I want to shoot the evil me. But i want to be wilful too.

Always average. I always make my parents worry. Unlike my brother who always tops the class, i have always been the average. Apple, orange and pear. The differentiating system that the primary school have. Apple being the best. I am always the orange. I can still remember the time when i first got my PSLE results. 230. I nearly cried. My mum told me that my father nearly fainted. Well, that's probably because my brother was the top student in my primary school. This made imy laugh. I guess that's rather funny. When i first went to my secondary school, my father sent me there. Beatty Secondary. That's when he asked, “Beatty sec, 华文名是什么？鼻涕啊？” Oh well, pardon my father. But that made me not so proud of my school. Although i must admit that i grew in that school and developed a totally different character. Of course, from there, i went on, like average, into AJ and NUS. Even in NUS, i make my parents worry. About the cost. I cant get a scholarship like my brother did. I was near, but due to my folly, i was dragged far far away. THE mistake of 2005. Therefore, see you next time, stockholm, and hello another semester of NUS.

Of course, the nice memories too. I do enjoy, crapping with my parents. Making them laugh. Its great. =) I enjoy, trips to NTUC fairprice during CNY with my parents, stocking up that shopping cart, with ice cream! Will hten unload them when we get home and enjoying the yummy goodies together. I always enjoyed public holidays too, my parents will then bring us out, either to East coast park, or anywhere else. But when they get older and when we get older, they no longer like to get out as often. And we spend less time together too. But i can still remember those east coast trips, where my parents will stay under the pavilion, my father will try to get some sleep using my minnie mouse as a pillow, my mum would stay beside him, my brother would go cycle real far away and i would go play with sand. Those were the times. But now, with my parents being 60 this year, home would be a nice place to be at.

Suddenly jolted out of my pensieve and back to reality. There's more. But that's all i can recall for now. CNY is coming soon. Do spend more time with your family.

I am never a good kid. Hardly stays at home. Always argue with my parents, always neglecting them and overlook the needs of my friends. I am never a nice person. Perhaps heaven have been kind to such an evil me all this while. Therefore, i should be thankful of my life. There, i should always remind myself this.

I better publish this before i edit and bam, delete this post.......

2006-01-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Its already 2006.

Out of the many blogs that i read, 3 out of 5 made new year resolutions( the other 2 did not update the blog).And out of the 3, 2 would have made the same resolutions as they did last year simply because they did not keep it.

Seriously, what are so called New Year resolutions for? Shouldnt it be things that people RESOLVE to do? Then when you RESOLVE to do somthing, a certain amount of DETERMINATION needs to be injected to achieve that RESOLUTION? But nobody ever give me the impression that they would RESOLVE to keep to their New Year RESOLUTIONS. Instead, it seems to me that many make New Year Resolutions either for show or for fun. If you are the type who makes resolutions and stick to them, good for you. If not, hey, maybe some determination might be good. No point sitting down and waiting to fulfil those so-called resolutions.

I have no idea why i had the above crap. But well, i guess i am just too bored.

I am glad that 2005 finally ended. Not a good year. Not as good.

I have made mistakes, big mistakes in 2005 and i am paying for them dearly now. But what to do? I have to pay the price for my own stupidity.

Whatever it is, 2005 is over. Nothing really significant. But i must say, at least i can tell myself that i can have a fresh start now. Great.

I can sense a better year ahead. I believe so.

Geez. Did not expect this post to be serious. But well, i have to be sometime. I will crap some other time.

Anyway, to add *ahem* some *ahem* festive cheer, the song have been changed to CNY songs! heh heh. New ones will come up soon. =P

I can never be serious, can i?

Im bored

2005-12-28T13:11:00.000+08:00

Ok, this will be a weird post with alot of random thoughts. Because i am bored.

1st thought
NUS grading system is by the bell curve, ya? This reminds me of a phrase.
"Dear god, if you cant make me thin, make my friends fat."
This encompasses the true spirit of the bell shape curve isnt it? Heh. If you cant make me have an A, make all the rest fail! Then i will have an A! Muahahahah. Ok, never mind. Think i am going bonkers.

2nd thought
I was cleaning up my room yesterday. I wished that i am harry potter. With just a swish of my wand and there! It will be clean. Ya, i hope i am studying in hogwarts instead of NUS. I hope i am writing with quills instead of ink pens. I hope i can fly on broomsticks instead of driving. I hope i can go to school on hogwarts express instead of SMRT. I hope i can apparate to another lecture venue rather than squeezing into the internal shuttle bus which i bet the feeling is the same. I hope i am taking subjects such as transfiguration, potions and defence against the dark arts instead of international econs, money and banking and what not. I hope i am eating in the great hall with good food refilling itself without having to pay a cent instead of eating in the arts canteen, having to queue for food and pay for them. Oh, but there is one thing that i think that NUS is similar to hogwarts. That is, the stairways are just as complicated. Just that the ones in NUS doesnt move. But you get lost there anyway.
Alright.This is what happens when you like harry potter too much and you would like to vanish from reality. =P

3rd thought
What do you all take me as? Thought machine? =P stopping now. I promise more serious stuff. I do have more serious stuff. Just that i am in a lame mode now. -_-

2005-12-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

I think work is always a good topic to blog about and since xmas is all about joy, i shall try and spread some here.

I am beginning to enjoy being a promoter who doesnt have to answer for sales. Except when the store manager asks for the sales. But i can always give a silly smile and that's it. Anyway, i think the thing that is most enjoyable as a promoter are really customers that are really... i dunno... just read on...

Case 1:

Customer: Excuse me? Is this the only slimming tea that you have here?

*what?! Cannot see my tag is it? Beauty advisor, not sales assistant la! but smiles sweetly*

Me: Er, sorry mam, i am not so sure.

Customer (rather rudely) : Then can you please go and find out?

*hello.... dont know how to ask the right person?! think i am your servant?!*

Me: Sure mam, hang on.

*proceeds to ask the sales asst and when i came back, she is already paying for the good. !@#$%^&*, waste my time. But i decided to observe her anyway.*

Customer to cashier: Is this the only slimming tea that you all have? Do you have any recommendations?

*have no idea what the cashier said, but should be something to the context that she is not sure too.*

Customer to cashier: Oh well, i guess you wouldnt know since you dont look like you need slimming tea too.

(=D i am glad that she realised that not everyone needs slimming tea like she does.)

Case 2:

Customer (from far): Excuse me!

*what again?! All of them have no idea how to read tags is it? Walks over and adjust my tag*

Me: Yes, mam?

Customer( points to a price tag): What does this price refers to huh?

*wah... cannot read english is it? Looks through the rack and found what the price is refering to since there is a description of it.*

Me: Oh, this price refers to this.

Customer( points to other prices stated) : Than what about this and that?

*wah.. i can confirm that this customer cant read... searches the rack again and found the goods. Its not difficult*

Me: oh, this price is refering to this and that price is refering to that.

Customer: Huh?! so this price refers to that and that price refers to this right? isnt it?

*oh my god! which planet's alien am i talking to?! patience.......*

Me: oh no mam, this price is refering to this and that price is refering to that

Customer (smiles smirkly): You are not sure too right?

*wth?! I WASN'T sure but i definitely know how to read and USE MY EYES*

Me: Ya, mam, but its written there.

Customer( took down the item and looks at them) : then which one do you think is better huh?

*do you think we are so free that we try out all the products?!*

Me: I dont know about them mam...

( well, the gist of the story is as above, just that she repeated you are not so sure also right? several times. I

only have the following to say. That is, if you think we are not sure, then why bother asking? Please dont say that to show that people are as -_- as you. We know how to use our eyes. Lastly, do approach the correct people next time and if you really need such professional advice, you can probably pay more and go to a salon!)

Case 3:

I saw 2 C****** girls looking at some facial products... yeah! time for me to come in.

Me: 你们在找洗脸霜吗?

One of the girls: 你看! 她会讲华语!!!

*-_-　the other girl dismisses her*

One of the girls(obviously excited): 没有！你看她讲！　

*-_- wth?!*

Me: 我是华人...... 你们在找什么？

One of the girls: 她要找给她妈妈的。

*and it went on for awhile and i realised that they are looking for products to let her mum lighten her freckles and thus i led them to my counter and introduced to them my products that helps lightens freckles. Though i know its abt ex*

The other girl *looks at the price, laughs*: 阿姨! 能不能介绍一些我们付得起的? 我们只是穷学生!

*faints...... 阿姨?!*

Me: 我应该不是阿姨吧.....

*forgot the rest but that's basically it... oh my god.... i better apply some anti aging stuff already -_-*

Woohoo. That's it. I must say that all these kept me amused for some time and fuming too. But time definitely passes faster this way. So who cares?

But i must say i really hate town when it comes to xmas. The human jam and the traffic jam is crazy~

I cant blame the humans for landing themselves in town during xmas, since they need to boost the economy. But hey car owners or drivers, please leave your swanky cars in your car park and take the VERY ADVANCED transport system that Singapore have so that poor people who have to take the bus will not be caught in the jam because of you ya? Thanx.

Geez... i am so politically correct since i have no money for court. =P

*pardon me for the english as im not a good writer and this post feels like it needs some bad english for it to come alive. Hah*

2005-12-22T13:25:00.000+08:00

Results are out.

Some are below expectations, while most of them met my expectations. Well, considering that i do not have very high ones. Glad that i got an S for Medications. Close call i guess... a good choice to make S/U. Other Consolation? My cap is up by 0.08. Ok, pathetic. Still sore over the results of my 2nd sem. Have to buck up soon so that i can stay in NUS for 1 more year. If not, its goodbye NUS and hello cruel working world.

Do i sound lethargic? Hope not. Going for work later. Opted to stay at home to get my results 1st hand. Am glad that i wont get nightmares over this set of results. I am still sore. Did i say that already? And ya, i do get nightmares over results, all results, more so if they are lousy results. I know this sounds dumb. Stop sniggering or trying to hide your smile. This is the world wide web, no one can see unless there is a webcam. =P ( i am going nuts)

I am a sore loser. I am. I hate it when i cant do something that i want. Nightmar-ish( is there such a word?) 2nd sem result and nightmar-ish driving test result. Ok, juvenile, you might say. But it is nightma-rish to me and that's that. Gotta fix these 2. Over next sem. I have to. These are 2 regrets that are oh-not-so bitter sweet. No sweet, just bitter. I will only feel good once they are fixed. Talking about goals in life~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Done with that, i had fun working yesterday. Yes, that is weird compared to what i blogged about previously. That is because i was given the chance to display the products that i am promoting, as well as putting on the price tags. Something that i enjoyed doing when i was in AJ enterprise. That took up sometime, thus leaving only 1- plus hour to promote. =D Love that. Hanging on till end of next week and i will be free, able to feed my instructors and i can have some fun then.

Time to meet up with friends and clean up my room.

I hate mess. All messy stuff have to go.

2005-12-20T23:07:00.000+08:00

This looks like an ordinary calendar? Nah... Look....

Photos behind!

I cant possibly upload all the photos here but this is basically the idea of this calendar. Every month have a special photo attached to it that is representative of the month. Sweet right? =) Its my belated birthday present from carissa, jingxian, shumei and edwin?! Hah. Thanx babes. I am really touched. I am not a very good friend, but they are still so nice to me =). This is one of my greatest birthday gift! *wipes off tears from corner of my eyes*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Reality Check

Just came back from work and this time as a singapore based skincare product promoter. Lower pay and less freedom than the previous promoter job that i held. However, less effort is needed for this job since there is no quota to meet. Well, all workers have their gripes, so how can i miss out on that? It is with this job that i realized that W****** have such strict rules on their staffs. Have to be constantly on the look-out so that supervisors don't pounce on you and gnaw on your ears for talking to fellow promoters. On top of that, we have to take note of what we bring and subject ourselves to bag checks. It is necessary, no doubt, but still, its like *wth?!* when i 1st report for work. Luckily i would just have to endure for 2 weeks or lesser and i would be back to being a struggling undergrad.

Other than the money, the only positive thing that i can say about work is that it made me realise how much i love studying.

At the same time, i also became more realistic about life. This is rather scary, as i begin to stop dreaming about life. But i dont want to stop dreaming big. =)

Hope i can stop working soon... I will stop once i have enough money to feed my driving instructors and also fill up the pockets of the driving centre owners. Going broke. Donations anyone? Sheesh. Shouldnt have failed my 1st attempt. PAYING for it now. And i mean it literally. All for that plastic card. Damn.

Oh dear, i am rambling on and on... I better sign off. Wish me luck at work! Goodbye~

2005-12-17T22:56:00.000+08:00

Yeah. Im feeling a whole lot better now. =D

Er, maybe not. But i will just have to endure for half a year and it would be over. Or i can take the option of not bothering myself with it. I think i will choose the latter. That makes me a whole lot happier! That also means that a few others will be shaking their heads in disagreement *opps*. But im sure they are also the very ones who would support my decision too! =p

Anyway, i finally realised what are the few steps i would take to make myself a happy girl. And they are as follows,

1) head straight home to wallow in self pity.

2) sleep and sob my sadness away.

3) talk to my dearest minnie *not crazy, alright?* That mouse have been with me for 12 long years.

4) Meet up with a friend and bitch about it.

5) Meet up with many friends and bitch about it.

After all these are being religiously done, i would feel a whole lot better. I guess talking it through with a few friends who can even make a joke out of the whole situation simply puts a smile to your face. But that doesnt mean that one can do away with the quiet thinking stage completely. Ok, i am losing my train of thoughts. For this matter, i shall stop here.

Before i sign off, its time for a preview of the AAS competition photos. These 2 are true classics, cute.. haha

The new age 雾锁南洋？！

We thought we were the only ones in the photos, apparently, we had quite a number of human backdrops. =P

Before all the human beings start chasing me for photos, the camp photos are now available http://photobucket.com/albums/b10/tsleo_1608

A happier song this time, since christmas should be joyous!

2005-12-15T20:39:00.000+08:00

开始讨厌这样的自己。

想逃，因为我已经没有勇气面对。

看着自己的双手，开始怀疑。

我累了，可以停下来吗？

我累了，想休息了。

我害怕往前走，只因身上已有太多伤痕。。。

我不再坚强。

今晚，就有它陪伴，为我擦拭泪水。。。

因为只有它，才不会伤害我。。。

2005-12-15T14:15:00.000+08:00

So... i have to suck at everything. Damn it.

2005-12-12T01:54:00.000+08:00

AAS has ended. Congratulations to Huiting , kristy, mabeline, percillius, norisha, james and gerri who did well. =) And to all who had put in the effort in training.

On another note, feeling rather heavy... So many things, are affecting my emotions. Things happening to my friends and things around me. Disturbing. I will have to sort it out soon. But today is definitely not the day. Way too tired. Perhaps everything will be fine when i open my eyes tomorrow morning. Or perhaps i need to be more mature in my thinking. Sheesh. Think i can be rather childish sometimes. =P

X'mas is coming too! Yeah~

2005-12-07T23:59:00.000+08:00

Looking back.

Sometimes when i look back, i feel sorry for the things that i do.

But most often, i feel sorry for the things that i did not do.

I also feel sorry for the bit of me that was left behind and that was lost.

I also feel sorry for not voicing out what i should.

And voicing out what i should not.

I also feel sorry for forgetting to give that pat to a dear friend.

I also feel sorry for not lending that listening ear of mine.

All in all, looking back always bring tears to my eyes and a tinge of pain in my heart. Despite that, it serves as a good reminder of what i SHOULD do when i move FORWARD in life. And THAT is important.
When the sun sets, the day is over and the sun tomorrow will be completely different.

无题

2005-12-05T22:46:00.000+08:00

失败是否成了习惯？
这种习惯会否变成停滞不前的因素?
习惯失败是否让我变得安逸,
不再踏上自我挑战的桥梁?
让我把一切视为理所当然?
我恨那样的懦弱,
恨那样的无所谓...
不想把一切视为无所谓...
因为,
我在乎...

Niche

2005-12-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Everyone will have their own niche.
行行出状元

How nice if its true everytime. However, i cant help but wonder, how many people can find their niche in their lifetime? And what if we never do. Ok, seriously, will i ever be able to find my own niche? Thinking back, i have been going through the motion all my life. Being average in everything i do. I know its tough being the best, but it would be nice if what im doing can give me some self confidence that at least i can be good at something. Having that thought since i stepped into JC and it had gotten worse in U.... Sighz...

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Woke up bright and early today to go for my driving lesson. Saw a scary accident. A red car which i presumed was knocked by a lorry kind of car from behind dashed up onto a pedestrain walkway. The impact must be great for the car really travelled a fair distance. I was supposed to turn into that junction but my instructor decided not to since there are loads of 'car parts' on the ground. I didnt really managed to see the red car mentioned, my instructor described the car.... scary. But i would presumed that the car wouldnt be in a good shape judging from the number of 'car parts' on the ground. However, being the trainee that i am, i got a lil gan-chiong, i forgot to change gear as i tried to accelerate to get past the accident site and i clutched the wheel tighter than i would have usually. *scary*

Apart from that, driving skills apparently not there yet. Forgot the turing point for directional change, turn too late for vertical parking, and the funniest is that i actually stalled my engine while doing parallel parking. -_- Gosh... when will i be ready for my driving test?!

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After my driving lesson, i went down to school to settle some stuff and fix my arrows. My arrows are now a proud green, orange and blue. Sort of like NUS colour. Like my arrows now......

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Did what i WANTED to do today. Not what i NEEDED to do. With a good book in hand,(thanx to huiting) and a cup of ice blended drink, i sat in the cafe for a couple of hours just sipping and reading. It felt great. I must do that again.

Alright, that's enough for now, or and did i mention?

I love christmas. Its a very jolly season, you can even smell the festive joy in the air. Same with CNY. That pic was taken by my hp. Not too clear, supposed to be a snowman. Hah.

Last but not the least, i want this for christmas,

But obviously, with my face and name on it (cant edit since i do not have photoshop). And a A-studded transcript. Haha. I think i wont get sick of saying this everyday untill i pass my driving test. =P

Drained

2005-12-01T22:06:00.000+08:00

Finally got past this horrible exam period. Time after time, this have to happen to haunt and taint an otherwise wonderful semester. I couldnt complain anything about this semester. Great timetable, ok lecturers (1 or 2 are even nice) and great company throughout. It would be a perfect semester if not for the difficulty of the examinations. Well, i thought i could have gone through the last paper in a breeze, but boy am i wrong! All due to the following reasons:

1) My brains are excessively hyperactive making me wide awake the whole night and thus unable to concentrate on the paper... *i am sleepy*

2)Insufficient preparation for this darn paper since i thought its open book and its my 'old flame'.

3)The whole duration of the examination period is wayyyyy too long making me lose interest in everything.

Thus, i headed home to take a good nap instead of celebrating like normal human beings would. But what can i say? i am not normally normal (wow, that sounds kind of weird isnt it?).

Really feel that my life is just full of 'excitement' for me. After the adrenaline rush from the exams, now its a different adrenaline rush all over again. Archery competition and driving test. Luckily there isnt any medical condition for adrenaline overload. But hey, i may just need medication for anxiety. Benzodiazepene anyone, alprazolam? Gosh, guess the craziness from this understanding your medications module is gonna stick with me for sometime. Why didnt i have such good memory during the examinations?

Its here again. The sweaty palms, the great concentration and mental strength required sport (which i lack, i am a hyperactive kid!). Stressful this time round, with ht and angel as my team mates. Really do not want to let them down! *rubs sweaty palms again* Praying real hard so that i can at least get a team medal and not let them down. woosh!

Not forgetting that semester 2 is the time when marketers gets a chance to show how good they are at what i would call the 'sponsor voice' =) Hopefully they would do well this time.

Next up,

would be to convert this filmsy piece of green paper to a photocard in 1 attempt! Ok, its not easy and my driving skills are still not there yet. But well, praying hard works, doesnt it? Hah.

Alright. I have done enough here. Gonna sign off and have a good sleep.

天天快乐，日子久了，也会忘了快乐是什么。。。

Crap

2005-12-01T00:33:00.000+08:00

feeling crappy right now. 11 more hours to freedom. But guilt sets in when i know i did not put in effort for this last paper. Crappy me.

2005-11-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

Oh dear... Please help me... I am losing the drive, the motivation the stamina for the last lap. I want to sprint my guts out and feel exhilarated at the end of this lap. But I cant go on now. My knees are going weak..............................

Facelift II

2005-11-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

Did some minor changes again. I like this simplicity. But still learning how to resize the picture, so that my page wouldnt be so big and out. Alright. After meddling such a long while again, signing out. =)

Facelift

2005-11-29T02:48:00.000+08:00

Ok, i am mad. Did i say that already? Anyway, as said yesterday, or the day before now, i WAS memorising those medical names. But now.... *drum rolls* i can forget them! OK, granted, no big deal. But hey, that means my brain have more space for more rubbish. Since my next paper is erm... sometime away *gosh....*, i decided to meddle with this blog. Try to change the blogskin to my customised blogskin! =D Ok, ok... that template was someone else's. All i did was to take a picture and change it and changed abit of the alignment and stuff. No big deal i know... but hey... satisfaction comes from within yah? *beams*

Linked quite a few blogs. So if u happen to visit and you dont want to associate yourself with me, i can remove it. =P Oh, and that is if you dont like the name associated with it too. Hah. Requests are welcome. Ok, eyelids getting heavier. A sign to snuggle up in bed. Quite a brainless post. Next time... i promise...

2005-11-27T21:07:00.000+08:00

This doesnt seem like a time that i should start a blog for i should be reciting those arabic sounding medical names. But i just have to do this. Think its the exams making me think more than usual and think deeper than usual. Though i think that made me a little crazy. Information overload from all sides. Great... i dont even know what my fingers are doing now too...

Whatever it is, i should welcome myself back to this blogging world. I cant say that i miss the blogosphere, for its still so filled with controversy and such. Words can ignite fire. But i cant deny that i still like writing and now typing seems to be a great outlet. Wonder whether is it the age or is it that i have caught up with info tech. But for now, i feel tired writing my feelings down in carbon or ink. Thus i would have to replace it with the swift movement of my fingers across the keyboard. Hopefully my fingers can catch up with my thought and this blog wouldnt be as random as the one before.

That aside, like i said, i have been doing some thinking over the exam period. Ok, not academic stuff per se, but still would be nice to post it up soon. Hah. Would be mostly chinese for its the language that i am most comfortable with so yup, enjoy. Ok, this is it. The posts will come later but for now, it would be back to those medical names........ cyclospor.. what?